Clash of the Champions X: Texas Shootout

Oh Glory Days..... time to continue my little project-o.

Match #1: Steve Williams v. The Samoan Savage

This was pretty decent for like the eight minutes or so it got. Freaking early Rikishi is great. You can most definately see the inspiration for the Umaga gimmick is in this guy. Seriously, watch the mannerisms and tell me it's not.

Anyways, I hate Williams as a babyface around this time. WAAAAY too vanilla-ish and thankfully he would team with Terry Gordy soon to crush eye-sockets and whatnot. Lots of smash mouth-ery going on here between these two. Power slams, lariats, punches and manly posturing make this an average/enjoyable affair. *3/4

Match #2: Tom Zenk & Brian Pillman v. The Mod Squad

Holy fuck someone make this match stop. The Williams match got eight minutes. Hell, this match went longer then the MAIN EVENT MATCH which was a cage match no less. Pillman are the ultimate "California Dreamin'" gooey good boy tag team, but haven't we been down this road with the Dynamic Dudes? What's with WCW around this time and their intense desire to push a babyface tag team of oiled up men wearing neon pink? And why are the guys they're facing dressed up like cops? Is there some sort of subtle joke i'm not getting here?

No seriously, this was awful. It's an extended version of the extended squash WCW up to this point, worked well. THis though, is brutally horrible stuff. Zenk would go on, as you will see in many more Clash Reviews, to be mixed and matched with like nine million partners. God I hate this stuff. 1/4*

Match #3: Mil Mascaras v. Cactus Jack

This is really short but really freaking good stuff as everyone comes away looking good. Mascaras looks smart and good, and while Cactus Jack comes off looking uber retarded, he comes off looking super-sick tough, taking a lot of big spots from Mascaras. In particular, his back plop (not drop) onto the bare concrete was pretty awful and Jim Ross and Jim Cornette's shreiking like school bitches being banged in the bano makes it all the more enjoyable. Cactus comes off like a great wild man heel, where it's obvious he's not, nor should he, overly concerned with the whole winning matches and belts thing. He just likes to fight. That and Mascaras rules.

After the match is even better as Cactus almost turns himself babyface by attacking the super crappy band that's playing the WCW theme song on the outside of the ring. The best is Jack chasing the guy playing guitar around and the guitarist hitting the whammy bar as he runs away from the wild man. Seriously though, this is pretty entertaining for five minutes. That's how you do a semi-squash. *3/4

Match #4: Falls Count Anywhere Match: Norman the Lunatic v. Kevin Sullivan

God, Vince must watch a lot of WCW from this period because I see inspiration for characters everywhere. Norman, who'd later become Bastion Booger in his WWF years, plays the loveable retard here who wrestles in scrubs. Kevin Sullivan is a stubby legged 'rat' as Norman calls him who won't leave him alone.

Great pre-match promo from Norman, whose talking about pinning Kevin Sullivan in a hot dog stand so he can mow hot dogs while punching Sullivan. Then there's a video clip of him in a zoo talking to a pig as if it's Kevin Sullivan while a girl looking on is looking at him like he's on drugs. Then Norman comes out to 'shout' with a Teddy Bear around his neck.

Here's another really fun match, this time of the comedy-type. Sullivan starts off angry and serious but then remembers he's wrestling a retard and takes the whole tough guy who likes to play magic cards down like 20 notches and starts bumping around for the big guy like a goof. They brawl into the crowd, on tables, on the steps, on the guard rail and then up the ramp.

The ending is particularly wild and silly as Kevin Sullivan retreats from Norman into the girl's bathroom. Norman doesn't want to go in and waits for all the girls to leave before pursuing Sullivan in there. About 20 seconds later Norman re-emerges from the bathroom with a toilet bowl in one hand, a roll of TP in the other, all while the referee is in tow. Norman wins. Or at least that's what we're led to believe.

They keep with the stip, make it fun but you don't feel the intensity of a typical Falls Count Anywhere match, which is A-OK for it's spot on the card. Pops the crowd in all the right ways and even though there's not.. like a whole lot to this... it's still a lot of fun. *3/4

Match #5: The Road Warriors v. The Sky Scrapers

Fuck YES. The sky scrapers and baby Undertaker look fantastically bad ass and the Road Warriors are pulling apart a car before the match so this will be a good brawl and all. Someone call the cops, the ambulance.. call em all.

This is worked kinda backwards from what they put over as being the major angle before the match, as the Sky Scrapers are looking to prove themselves as equal brawler to the Road Warriors, yadda yadda. The Scrapers are not exactly brawling early on. Instead, they're using their agility, which when Marc Calloway is on your team is a good thing, which makes them look surprisingly smart.

The Warriors on the other hand, are, um... themselves. They just wanna smash faces. The Scrapers though use that against the Warriors in a way as there's tons of goading going on throughout the match. Finally, once the Warriors gain the upper hand, they connect with a doomsday device, but the ref's knocked out. Calloway comes flying off the ropes with a big old steel chair and wild antics insue from there. Spivey and Calloway spike pile drive Animal onto a chair and leave, using their smarts as a way to prove their brawn.

For like the millionth time tonight, i'm surprised I liked this as much as I did given the time. They don't give fans the satisfaction of watching these two fight. Instead the scrapers more or less prance around as best they can, frustrate the Warriors and prove their worth as physical equals to the LOD. That's after surviving the Doomsday Device. A pretty nice way to get the young team over while not making the old team look bad. That's not to mention a nifty piece of booking not giving the fans the smash-face killing spree they wanted and teasing it for the pay per view. All around good effort. This isn't top 10 stuff and fuck me if it's top 20, but it's a solid piece of pro wrestling. **1/4

Match #6: Titles v. Masks: World Tag Team Championship: The Steiner Brothers v. DOOM

Here's the run-away match of the night. The stip is simple: If the Steiners win, Doom sheds the masks. If Doom wins, they get the belts. Nothing complicated and these two teams keep it nice and simple-stupid for all.

The story through the match is real easy to follow, which is a good thing for mind-blowing retards like myself. Doom dominates, but the masks, which are supposedly their asset, end up becoming their biggest vice, at least in terms of this match. Every time Rick or Scott touch one of their masks or try to rip it off, Doom gets thrown off their game and it allows the Steiners to put some offense together.

The whole match is built simply and the pay off is great with Reed finally losing his mask. He's humiliated and mad and goes to whine to Doom #1 (who we find out later is Ron Simmons) only to get shoved into him and rolled up for the win. So we get a glorious taste of simple irony here with the bad guys strength being used against them.

The Steiners are in this match too, btw, and Scott is especially awesome here, bumping like a crazy man and letting the two brothas put a nasty beat down on whitey. They smash his face (literally his eye is like seven shades of purple afterwards), drop him on his head and do all sorts of mean nastiness to him. In fact, Scott's ability to garner sympathy are what really carry the body of the match and allow the fans to really buy into the babyfaces.

Great tag match that while it's not exactly the Shakespeare of wrestling, it's pretty good. It's more like Dr. Seuss without the rhyming. **3/4

Match #7: Steel Cage Six Man Tag Match: The Great Muta, The Dragon Slayer & Buzz Sawyer v. Ric Flair, Arn Anderson & Ole Anderson

This really isn't much of a match rather than a big angle to end the show on.

Earlier in the night, Sting was expelled from the Four Horseman for taking a contract to face Flair for the belt at the Bash. Ole called him a bitch and they beat him down. Basically, if Sting ditches the contract, he walks away safe, if he doesn't, well then........

Anyways this match goes on and it quickly becomes an afterthought as soon as Muta and Anderson exchange some silly not so sexy stuff. Sting comes running out and that's that. Save for some pretty sick cage shots that Sawyer takes, no one really seems to give a crap that the match is gonig on and is wholely more conscerned with how Sting is going to rape Flair and take his manhood from him.

So yeah, there just isn't anything in this to really give it much more than a star and a half for some cute action in an angle. *1/2

Overall: So i've basically not rated a match at *** on this entire card and i'm ok with that. DESPITE that you squirly fuckers should be fine with it too. This really is a better show than the ratings might indicate. Most of the matches are just too short to go much higher but really, that's all ok. This is worth a pick up to see for a fun, quickie wrestling show. Doom-Steiners is really good stuff but other than that, there ain't much worth going TOO out of your way to see.

Clash of Champions On Going Top 10 (Through Clash X)

1. Ricky Steamboat v. Ric Flair, World Hvt Title, Clash VI *****
2. Ric Flair v. Terry Funk, I Quit Match, Clash IX ****1/4
3. Ricky Steamboat v. Terry Funk, Clash VII ***3/4
4. The Midnight Express v. Ric Flair & Barry Windham, Clash IV ***3/4
5. Sting v. Ric Flair, World Hvt Title, Clash I ***1/2
6. Ric Flair & Sting v. Great Muta & Dick Slater, Clash VIII ***1/2
7. Midnight Express v.The Fantastics, US Tag Titles, Clash I ***1/4
8. Sting v. Barry Windham, US Title, Clash III ***1/4
9. Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard v. Barry Windham & Lex Luger, World Tag Titles, Clash I ***
10. Lex Luger v. Tommy Rich, US Championship, Clash VIII ***

Clash of the Champions IX: The New York Knock Out

Clash of the Champions IX: The New York Knock Out
Troy, NY
November 15, 1989

MATCH #1: World Tag Team Championship: The Freebirds v. The Road Warriors

The circumstances surrounding this one are actually kind of funny. As it turns out, the Freebirds aren't really the champions. How does that work? Well, turns out they had jobbed the belts a few days earlier but because the match hadn't aired yet, thus this is their final match as champions.

This one is kept nice and short, the way it should be. The Warriors start potatoing the bejesus outta the Freebirds and Garvin and Hayes want absolutely nothing to do with that and start doing their fun stalling, hip swivelling and attempting to, as JR says on commentary, "cut corners" so that they can get in control of the match. Of course they eventually iscolate Animal and all kinds of aggitate Hawk who blows his stack and comes a running on in, propelling the referee across the ring and causing the DQ.

This is worked ok, but is pretty run of the mill stuff. It does it's trick and they kept it short and sweet enough. This isn't really much of anything to get wow'd about though. *1/2

Match #2: DOOM (w/ Woman) v. Eddie Gilbert and Tommy Rich

This is another one of those extended squashes, but man, Eddie Gilbert deserves a medal for this one. He performed pretty darn great. DOOM is still in their masks at this point and lookin' good. Gilbert, like mosquitos, stick and move like crazy men but eventually get caught by the big mangs and get pulvarized. It's a bad night for whitey. *1/4

Match #3: The Midnight Express v. the Dynamic Dudes

This is a decent enough match with a super great finish, as is per the usual with the MXE.

Basically Cornette is in a neutral corner for this one as he's got man crushes on both teams. You can tell the Midnights are the ones with the bigger problem here as he's been their manager for forever and then some. The Dudes just do what the Dudes do.

Despite having an exceptionally lame gimmick, Johnny Ace and Shane Douglas make an ok team and repeatedly frustrate the Midnights and consistently present a compelling case that maybe Cornette should get behind the neon pink-o's and ditch the playboys. Everytime the Midnights get something going, the Dudes cut them off and frustrate them. There isn't ever a part where the Midnights can string together a consistent enough string of offense.

Because of this, you see the gradual heel turn here which of course comes to a head with a classic Midnight Express screw job finish. Bobby Eaton goes to use a chain on Shane Douglas but Cornette jumps in the ring and takes the chain away from him and chucks it into the crowd, admonishing Bobby. He encourages Shane to give Eaton the business and as soon as Shane does, he eats a racket shot to the back of the head.

Cornette choose the DUDES over his homies? Right. Fun match with a sensational finish. **1/4

Match #4: Steve Williams v. The Super Destroyer

This is Jack Victory's 9 millionth jobber in a mask who so happends to be a heel he's played on a Clash show. Yikes this is thankfully quick and painless. Williams is too goody goody gum drops here again but thankfull is a goody goody gum drop with a big power slam. This isn't anything memorable. *

Match #5: The Steiner Brothers v. The Skyscrapers

The Steiners are the great up and coming wrestling team, the Skyscrapers are the new big boys on the block. Granted this had some cool heat through the match, it's actually pretty bad. Vicious and Spivey give away WAY too much freaking offense in the early going. Steiner popping off hurricanrannas on guys who're 6'11 is pretty shitty too. Thankfully, DOOM interfere and bring Woman's bodyguard along for the fun and start whoopin' that ass. Spivey and Vicious like playing that game too, so they join. Unfortunately for the bad guys, the Road Warriors come charging to the Steiner's aid, getting a mega-pop in the process, and we've got a wild super brawl in the middle of the ring. Bad match with a fun run in infested ending. I'll give it a star for the brawl at the end. *

PS- This was the match where Sid Vicious punctured his lung which led to the introduction of a certain clown named Marc Calloway. Wonder what ever happened to him?


Match #6: United States Championship: Lex Luger v. Brian Pillman

This is a really great and likely forgotten match. Luger's really in more of a feud with Sting at this point, but Pillman's chasing him at the same time. Luger's been billed as the next big thing and thus far, with the exception of Ric Flair, has mowed down everyone tossed in front of him. Pillman, oddly enough, has been on a hot streak of HIS own and has been dominant in his own regard. After screwing Pillman out of the win at Halloween Havoc, Luger is forced to give Brian a rematch for the belt on this show.

This is a great Luger-formula match. Luger tries to wrestle, Pillman outwrestles him. Luger does the over power em thing, and Pillman tops him again. Luger starts to think his way around things and look for Pillman to make mistakes and capitalize on them, but Pillman recovers too quickly for Luger to get anything going.

A great and late Latino who liked cheating once said: If you can't win, cheat until you win. If that doesn't work, cheat harder. Luger gets into the whole douche-ish looking for any excuse to cheat he can. Eventually, he grabs a chair and absolutely potatoes (I like that word) Pillman in the grill with it. The official is dazed and Luger gets the win. After the match Luger needlessly beats down Pillman and the Stinger comes in to make the save. Fun enough I suppose.

Another one of those formula matches where Luger's great ability to look really frustrated is amplified by Pillman's ability to play an even pluckier vanilla babyface. I'm a little torn here between which defense I like better, the Rich defense or this one, because it's a really close call. ***

Match #7: I Quit Match: Ric Flair v. Terry Funk

Well, there's been a lot said about this one and with good reason. It's really fuckin' good.

I really like this match, but to be honest, I ALWAYS wonder how it'll hold up every time I watch it and EVERY time I watch it I wonder why i'm such an idiot sometimes. I think watching Funk-Steamboat enhanced this for whatever reason as it's just that match ratcheted up two or three clicks.

Steamboat didn't have a reason to hate Funk, but as you all know, Flair sure did. This just makes for a super intense brawl that doesn't have a lot of goofy table spots, sick chair shots, etc. This is fundamentally, what any feud ending gimmick match should be and that's just overflowing with hate, energy and most importantly, closes the book. This does all of that.

Flair's chops have extra mustard on them and he's all over Funk at all times. There's never a 'down' spot in this... like literally. There's never a point where one guy is laying around rolling around on his back. The selling is superb as a lot of it is delayed selling and that's tough to pull off well without making it look like overkill (see anything Pro Wrestling NOAH related). Funk looks like he's fighting for generations of Funks and Flair's fighting for his manhood.

I miss the day when matches like an I Quit match or a Last Man Standing sorta match didn't involve six million table spots, etc. I like a high spot as much as anyone, but in the end, there's always someone whose going to be willing to do a zanier stunt than you do. There's no replacement for keeping things simple but making sure things are intense. Table spots pop the crowd because they just saw the act.. the stunt... The pain... This match is good because the spots create DRAMA. It generates sympathy for the WRESTLER.

This is considered one of the first real hardcore-type brawls in the US up to this point, but really, by today's standards, it's hardly hardcore. And that's a-ok. Hardcore ain't about tables, chairs and thumbtacs, it should be about hate and intensity. This is what those matches are out and is really everything a final blow off match should be. ****1/4

Overall: Take the final two matches off this cards and it's scary-bad, but the last two matches make things ok enough. Flair-Funk is required viewing for anyone who considers themselves a wrestling fan, but Pillman-Luger is really worth going out of your way to see too. The Dudes-Midnights is fun for what it is too, but really, the rest of this is a lot of filler crap. Some of it's hit filler crap and some is miss filler crap, but it's still all relatively meaningless in the end. C

The one thing that's fun to watch is how much Turner's production team brought to the table when he bought the organization, both good and bad. We get some super terrible gimmicks, but a much needed production overhaul. If you look at the NWA shows towards the end of 1988 and look at WWF at the same point, the difference in polish is huge. The WWF looks flat out better and is a way better overall production than the NWA. Turner though, sees the need to clean up the look and puts a lot of effort into lighting and presentation. The jump from late 88-early 90 is pretty dramatic and cool to watch unfold.


Clash of Champions On Going Top 10 (Through Clash IX)
1. Ricky Steamboat v. Ric Flair, World Hvt Title, Clash VI *****
2. Ric Flair v. Terry Funk, I Quit Match, Clash IX ****1/4
3. Ricky Steamboat v. Terry Funk, Clash VII ***3/4
4. The Midnight Express v. Ric Flair & Barry Windham, Clash IV ***3/4
5. Sting v. Ric Flair, World Hvt Title, Clash I ***1/2
6. Ric Flair & Sting v. Great Muta & Dick Slater, Clash VIII ***1/2
7. Midnight Express v.The Fantastics, US Tag Titles, Clash I ***1/4
8. Sting v. Barry Windham, US Title, Clash III ***1/4
9. Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard v. Barry Windham & Lex Luger, World Tag Titles, Clash I ***
10. Lex Luger v. Tommy Rich, US Championship, Clash VIII ***

Dropping Out
10. The Fantastics v. Ron Simmons & Eddie Gilbert, US Tag Titles, Clash IV **3/4